Dave Kinsell Joins UKIP

An elected representative constantly receives requests for donations to charities, many of which are not nearly as deserving as they seem. However, a few weeks ago, Nigel Farage UKIP leader received a touching message from a Mr David Kinsell, the trainer of Brighton-and-Hove's Hangleton Rangers (under 10's) Football Team.

Mr Kinsell wanted him to sponsor a "training strip" for his gallant lads, with the sponsor's name printed on the shirts, to the tune of £150.

As a supporter of worthwhile community projects, and a great believer in sport for young people, Nigel was happy to help. He despatched the money to Dave and thought he'd heard the last of the matter.

Imagine Nigels surprise when he learned that the newly-prepared kit was to be burned, that Mr Kinsell had been sacked, as trainer of Hangleton Rangers (under 10's) and that the young players' parents – some of them in tears – had been ringing Dave with messages of sympathy.

Apparently, the trainer's offence, in the eyes of the club committee, was that he had "accepted a political donation", even though the shirts were only training kit and only featured the name (no mention of UKIP).

One could not help suspecting some kind of political bias in the upper echelons of Hangleton Rangers, especially when it appeared that Dave was a particularly successful and popular trainer, and that a member of the club committee was also a Tory-member of Lewes District Council.

Having been bounced out of "the Rangers", having been offered positions as trainer with various other junior football clubs, and having become a veteran of radio, television and press interviews, Dave Kinsell says that he has "never had a week like it". He has also joined the Brighton branch of UKIP.

The club committee, meanwhile, has retreated behind a battery of legal artillery in the anxiety that someone might sue them. Who would have thought that kids' football could come to this?