Agent Cameron's Road to Nowhere

It is reported that Our Man in the Tory Party, Agent Cameron, is considering "going it alone" with his very, very, most exceedingly important review of EU competences after being humiliatingly rebuffed by France and Germany.

It's difficult knowing whether to laugh or cry. What exactly does he hope to achieve by such a fruitless exercise, apart from the further personal humiliation and demoralisation of his own party? It really is truly heart-breaking that we have been reduced to the point as a nation where "going it alone" means our government gets to conduct a nice, shiny review all by itself without outside intrusion.

This revelation, coming as it has a day before the death of the titanic patriot Margaret Thatcher, shows in stark relief how far we have fallen in such a short time. Much of the national malaise who those of us were alive in the 70s remember, has returned. Weak leaders, cynicism and a lack of national belief stalk the land.

But given that it's usually better to laugh rather than cry, here is a parody of Agent Cameron's position, to be sung to the tune of Talking Heads "Road To Nowhere" (with apologies to David Byrne).

"Well we don't know where were goin',

But we know, where we've been,

And we know, what we are knowin',

But we can't tell them, what it means,

Because we, are little college kids,

And we love, our careers,

But our future's now uncertain,

Because the voters, have worked us out.

We're on a road to nowhere!

Our policies a laughing stock,

Takin' that ride to nowhere!

Our heads on the block!

We say we want powers back from the EU!

It's foolish we know,

We are on the road to electoral oblivion!

Here we go, here we go.

We know it drives you plebs crazy,

But we don't care,

Stand on principle?

We don't dare, we don't dare.

Tell you our true beliefs? 

That's not our style,

Because underneath,

We are all Europhile.

We are all running scared now,

We didn't suspect,

That you'd have the intelligence,

To UKIP elect.

Yes we're on a road to nowhere,

We're on a road to nowhere,

We're on a road to nowhere

We're on a road to nowhere"